It was a lazy weekday evening – two days before Thanksgiving- when I realized a person who I thought was in a close friend had completely cut me out of their lives.
Both her and her husband decided to completely unfriend me and every single person associated with me. My husband, our family, and all of our mutual friends. Disappeared. Gone. Ghosted.
At first I thought, “Maybe this is some kind of personal social media cleanse.” I texted her ASAP. ” Hey, how are you? Hope you are well. Let me know how you are.” Twice. I never got a reply.
The following days, weeks, and months I spent a lot of energy trying to figure out what happened. What did I do wrong? Did I say something that offended her? Did we break a promise? I started writing a message and then stop myself from sending it too many times to count. To this day, I can’t even think of an interaction that would give probable cause. We were text buddies and we celebrated major milestones together throughout our years as friends. A wedding in Vegas, babies, our new homes, bachelorette outings, New Years, and more. You name it, she was a person I wanted around and me around her. We shared difficult situations we were facing and sent well wishes for better tomorrows. We didn’t always see things eye to eye, but I thought we respected each others’ way of life and loved and supported each other regardless. All the things you would want in a close friend. After a night of sharing a bottle of wine, we always spoke of how blessed our friendship was. We didn’t live near each other, but when we did spend time together, it was like we were never far away. I thought everything was ok. But apparently it wasn’t.
My husband watched as I cried and poured over the last of our messages, pictures, and interactions. It just didn’t add up. I couldn’t understand how a relationship with so much history and plenty of wonderful memories could just stop. No reasons given, no opportunities to hear each other out. No chance to fight for the friendship and resolve any problems that clearly bothered them. No final words or good byes. Instead, they just disappeared as if we never existed in their lives and they were never in mine.
But I do get reminders. All over social media. And every once in a while, friends who used to be a mutual friend of ours would realize they haven’t heard from them and ask how they were doing. Luckily, I’ve learned how to turn off reminders, and it would be too much work to erase the past of all the memories I’ve archived.
Eventually the months started to add up. I began to sound like a broken record when I spoke of my pain with my other friends and knew that in order to stop the sadness, I had to accept the end of the road. Silently, I would write a letter in my mind of all the things I wish I could say one last time.
“Hey…. this really sucks. I don’t understand. I thought we had something good that would last a lifetime. I don’t want to accept this, but I have no choice. I don’t want to not have you in my life, but I accept your boundaries. However, if you ever find yourself in a situation where you needed my help or wanted to talk – no questions asked – I will be there for you. Goodbye. I wish you well.”
I wrote a variation of this letter in my head at least 20 times or more. Sometimes it was more angry. Other times it was more hopeful for reconciliation. Sometimes it was short and sweet or bitchy af.
Slowly my focus shifted towards friends and family who still loved me. I felt stupid for mourning the loss of a friendship when I had amazing people around me who valued our friendship. It seems silly now, but at the time I judged myself according to someone who didn’t care enough to even tell me why they needed to end our relationship. My healing didn’t begin until I made a shift to actively focus on people that made the effort to be a good friend to me. In return, I got to practice being the friend I wish others would be for me – a better listener, open to new perspectives, understanding, no judgement, available, and lots of fun experiences mixed in between.
Eventually, I stopped obsessing and things started going back to normal. Over the summer, my family took a beach trip to the Oregon coast and rented an oceanfront house. On the last night, I stayed up by myself and watched the moonlight sparkle across the waves on the ocean. I starred at distant boats with their lights on full-blast navigating the Pacific. I watched the lighthouse beaming on the side of the cliffs guiding boats along the way. I sat in my chair and just breathed the moment in until sleepiness overtook me.
That night I had a dream. My husband, dog, and I were walking towards the beach and had to take a set of wooden stairs wrapped around a small lush green cliff to access the sand. On the way down the stairs, I ran into them. “Hey! How are you? What are you doing here?” Before they could walk away, I cornered them, forced them to sit down, and told them every single word from the letter I had written in my head and added, “I will love and appreciate the memories we made, and I don’t like this, but I accept this as the end. I wish you well. Good bye.” In my dream I watched them walk away and I turned and walked towards the beach to meet my husband and dog who were waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs.
I woke up in the morning with a sense of peace I hadn’t felt in a long time. It felt so real like it really happened and I was happy to be able to say everything I needed and wanted to say in my dream. Not word was left unsaid. After we finished breakfast and packed up the car, the family wanted to take one last stroll along the beach before heading home. I felt anxious because I needed to head home to finish my work projects. Eventually, I relented, and we all headed towards the beach. Instead of taking the normal beach access route to the right of the house, we took an alternate way to the beach to the left of the house which included a set of wooden stairs against a small lush cliff to access the sand.
I’ve seen this somewhere before. . .
We took off our sandals and walked while watching the dog frolic and sniff his way along the beach. Then it was time to head back. As we got closer to the stairs, a man wearing construction gear walked down and stood at the very bottom to the stairs. Above him on the street was a large back hoe and city truck. My naturally curious husband walked up and struck a conversation and asked what he was doing. The man was a city worker surveying the conditions to decide if it was a good day to reinforce some beach walls. The resemblance was uncanny. He looked exactly like my former friend’s husband. He had the same kind of job her husband had. He spoke and had the same sense of humor like her husband, too. I was in shock. After my husband was done talking to him I followed him up the stairs back to the car.
“Did that guy kind of look like …?” He nodded. “And he had the same job and even spoke like him, right?” He agreed. Then I told him about the dream I had the night before. But this time I wasn’t sad when I mentioned their names. It was the first time my heart felt nothing but peace and acceptance when I thought of them. At that moment, I realized the universe gifted me the closure I had been wanting and needing to continue my healing. The shock has worn off, but the acceptance and peace remains. I am thankful to have the awareness to see everything for what it was in that moment. What a gift!
Since then, there hasn’t been other dreams that’s healed me as powerful as this one. What I can say is this experience has helped me to move on and focus on my current relationships and even make room for new ones. To this day, I genuinely do wish them well. Sometimes I miss them but I still feel the same peace I felt when when I finally received closure in my heart.
I hope this story helps some people who are seeking peace and looking for closure and healing. Open your heart, soul, and body to the idea that dreams can help the healing process. Because it can and it does. I wish you well on your journey.
It's Polyesther 
Beautiful
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